I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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