Tell her she can't have a vagina
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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