I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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