DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize