and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
