totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
