i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
