Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
