just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are all done wearing pants today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ruined the universe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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