Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
