my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
