took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
