I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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