I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
