this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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