It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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