Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
