why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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