Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
