i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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