I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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