guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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