Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
