i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
