Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1912) Bad night (802)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”

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  (703): Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh” http://tfl.nu/trqs
  Replies (15) Good night (636) Bad night (2769)
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  (310): View more from California

  Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?

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  (310): Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too? http://tfl.nu/j0i5
  Replies (57) Good night (1228) Bad night (3810)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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  (773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu
  Replies (13) Good night (3821) Bad night (656)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

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  (512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila. http://tfl.nu/7qws
  Replies (15) Good night (7718) Bad night (870)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.

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  (806): This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night. http://tfl.nu/k0hc
  Replies (15) Good night (620) Bad night (3057)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.

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  (704): I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food. http://tfl.nu/cwmk
  Replies (49) Good night (660) Bad night (6983)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.

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  (520): I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children. http://tfl.nu/78i9
  Replies (19) Good night (7258) Bad night (1477)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

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  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4759) Bad night (1076)
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  (805): View more from California

  bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me

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  (805): bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me http://tfl.nu/f5bj
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (2987)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life

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  (201): just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life http://tfl.nu/grtz
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (913)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.

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  (702): Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/ihoh
  Replies (25) Good night (3192) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.

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  (405): Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk. http://tfl.nu/bh9n
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (256)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...

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  (206): you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night... http://tfl.nu/tmlo
  Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (251)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough

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  (812): Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough http://tfl.nu/hw2m
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (221)

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