Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE