i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom