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what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me