my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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