the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram