38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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