I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize