so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
