So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
