I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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