i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize