Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
