im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
