Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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