swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
