I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
