My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
