You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
