I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
