someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
