Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
