I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
