he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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