worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
