this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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