Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize