i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
