Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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