piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
