the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
