after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my shit smells like andre
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
