3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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