you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
