Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
