ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
