I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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