I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
