I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
