yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
