apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
