had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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