i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
