sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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