By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
