It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize